New Year's resolutions that work

Resolutions are easy to make, but hard to keep. That’s because people make unrealistic resolutions with no game plan of how to achieve them. Well, I am going to tell you how you can make and keep realistic resolutions.


First, let’s jettison the use of the word resolutions and use goals instead.

Second, if you made a resolution today, or tomorrow or on New Year’s Day, throw it away. You did it too early. Over the holidays we are all off our game. We haven’t been at work, we’ve been home or traveling, we’ve overindulged or overspent or over imbibed. We’re sick of our families or sick of ourselves or can’t button our pants. Setting a goal amidst this highly charged atmosphere is not a good idea.

Once you chose your word or theme, think about what you need to do or change to live that life. Set measurable, realistic actions to get there. Then write them down.

Instead take a few weeks to get back into the swing of things, so you can take a more accurate stock of where you are and where you want to be. Then, ask yourself:

•What do I want more of in my life?
•What do I want less of?
•What do I want to improve?
•What do I want to change?
•Where do I want to be professionally?

Now you can set the right goals. For one’s personal life, instead of setting a goal, I recommend choosing a word or theme for the year.

Think about how you want to live your life and think of a word that captures that. For example, if you want to lose weight and shape up, your word may be Slim or Healthy. If you want to make do with less or be less cluttered, your word may be Simplify. If you want more money, your word may be Wealth. Think of a positive word that conjures the vision of how you want to live, and then develop a game plan to achieve that.

Last year, my word was Quality. I wanted a better quality of life, both personally and professionally. So I started say no to things and only focused on the highest quality interactions, the things that really mattered to me. And it was a great year. That one word infused all of my personal and professional dealings and interactions, from the clothes I bought to the trips I took to the clients and projects I took on.

The key is to think about what you really want in the coming year and then choose a word that captures it. For example, if your word of the year is Wealth, your goal is to have more money, so your action items may be to get a raise (and all that that entails), clip coupons, car pool, walk to work, pack your lunch, find a new financial adviser, etc. If your word of the year is Slim and your goal is to lose weight, your action items will include choosing apples over chips, taking the stairs, getting more exercise, using smaller plates, walking to work, etc.


But remember: every action must be doable. You can’t plan to work out an hour a day if that is impossible, so chose action items that are realistic. And all of the choices you make every day must work toward that goal, not away from it.

Now, for your work life, think about what you want to achieve professionally. If you are an assistant manager and want to be a manager, figure out the steps you need to take to get there. A good way to do this is find someone who has the position or career you want and find out how they got there. What do people in that position have that you don’t? What was their career course? Your action plan may include working longer hours, doing more networking, taking professional development classes, etc.

Here are a few final points to make about goals:

•Write your goals or word of the year down, and put it where you can see it. You need to remind yourself what you are working toward.
•Reevaluate your goals and your action plans. If you aren’t seeing results, perhaps you may need to tweak the game plan a bit. Don’t despair; just figure out why it isn’t working and how to make it work.
•Slow and steady wins the race, every time. Remember, you have to develop new habits to reach your goal. It is the little, daily steps that will add up to results. Ask yourself: Are my actions, however small, moving me closer to my goal or away from it?


Think broadly and realistically about your life—where you are and where you want to be both personally and professionally. Make sure the goals you set for yourself are realistic, attainable, measurable, and mesh with what you really want out of life.

How to beat holiday stress: Five tips

1. Get organized. Think about the things you really need and want to do. Prioritize, make lists and make a schedule. What gets done gets done, but if you’re organized and have prioritized, then you are much more likely to get the really important things done.

2. Simplify and streamline. Adjust your expectations and try to focus on the things that are really important and jettison the rest. Think quality over quantity. Maybe get the same gift for everyone, or cut the list back a bit. Do you really need to do everything you think you do? Try to do with less.

3. Delegate. You don’t have to do everything. Get your spouse or family members to share the workload, and then make peace with the results.

4. Take time to look around. Literally. Stop what you are doing and look at the decorations and the pretty lights. Listen to holiday music. Window shop. Go to church or temple. Do something holiday-ish, like take the kids for a drive around town to see the lights. Take the time to enjoy the beauty of the season.

5. Keep it simple at work, and remember the rules. Like, don’t buy your boss a gift unless you pull her name in the Secret Santa exchange and don’t get drunk at the office party. Speaking of the office party, remember that even though it is a social event, it is still work, so be on your best behavior. It’s a great opportunity to socialize, network and develop relationships.

The job skills you need now

As the economy continues to contract, employers are increasingly looking for generalists, not specialists. The skills that landed you that job 15, 10 or even 5 years ago may not be enough to stay afloat or get ahead in today's workplace. What do you need to do to stay viable today? I discuss that and more in this TV segment on News Channel 8's Capitol Insider:

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid180211731001?bctid=657795139001

I'm one of WBJ's "Women Who Mean Business!"

I am a little embarrassed to blow my own horn, but this is really exciting! I was just named one of the Washington Business Journal’s 2010 Women Who Mean Business.

This is the announcement from WBJ:

"Mary Abbajay, president and co-founder of Careerstone Group, LLC, has been named one of our 2010 Women Who Mean Business. The Washington Business Journal’s Women Who Mean Business awards program is designed to honor the region's most influential businesswomen. These women have made a difference in their communities, blazed a trail for the rest of us, and are leaving a mark on business in the Washington area. Recipients will be honored at a Nov. 18 awards ceremony and profiled in the Nov. 19-25 edition of the Washington Business Journal."

And here's my TV interview:

Mary Abbajay: WBJ Woman Who Means Business

The power of persuasion

Want to know how you can use your powers of persuasion to your advantage? Watch my latest segment from News Channel 8's Let's Talk Live to understand the power of persuasion, and why it works:

http://tbd.ly/dmpqu2

How to make your own luck

How to be your own good luck charm:

How to hire a consultant: 10 tips to guide you

Here are 10 tips for hiring a consultant, coach, or other workplace/career consultant:

1. Make sure you need a one. Examine your current staffing/situation/skill set and make a calculated decision. What kind of help do you really need? Just because a consultant is expensive doesn’t necessarily mean they are more skilled. Always check with your in-house talent first. You might be surprised what kind of solutions your staff can come up with!

2. Know what you want the consultant to do. Be clear about what kind of expertise or assistance you want and need. Different consultants offer different types of expertise and guidance. So, are you looking for an expert to tell you exactly what to do? Another pair of hands to do exactly what you tell them? Or a collaborator to partner with you to explore potential and solutions?

3. Be honest about your willingness to change. Clarify your goals. What are you trying to accomplish? Are you really willing to do the changes necessary? A consultant’s work is only useful if you do the work, too.

4. Find someone focused on your needs, not theirs. Many consultants get stuck in a certain model or “intervention” and try to make problems fit their preconceived solutions. You want to make sure your consultant custom designs a solution just for you. During your first meeting a good coach/consultant should interview you. They should ask questions about your business, your requirements, and your expected outcomes. They should not spend their first meeting deluging you with stories of past contracts and clients.

5. Ask for and check references. Make sure you consultant is experienced and credentialed. And then ask those references for other references.

6. Find somebody you like, trust, and respect, and with whom you have good communication and rapport. Personality and fit are essential. Chances are some issues may require close collaboration with the consultant. All things being equal, it is easier to work with someone you like, or whose personality fits the culture of the organization. Open communication is essential. Make sure you find someone who really listens to you.

7. Choose someone who is willing to tell you the truth. A good coach, consultant, or advisor must be willing to give you their honest opinion about what is going on. If you find your consultant agrees with everything you say and holds the exact same perspective as you, then you haven’t hired a consultant. You’ve just paid someone to agree with you.

8. Don’t hire your chief of staff's second cousin once removed. Avoid hiring anyone related to good friends, staff members, etc., unless the referral comes from a trusted outside source that has used the consultant. Look for “real” consultants, professionals who do this for a living and have related experience.

9. Get a contract/proposal in writing. Take the time to spell out goals, deliverables, and processes. Design the alliance. This is about clarifying expectations on both sides. A good consulting relationship is essential for finding and implementing effective solutions that will work for you and your organization.

10. Be prepared to manage the relationship. Consultants need feedback and guidance to do their jobs well. Don’t just hire the consultant and ignore the contract. Treat your consultant as a partner. This will result in your consultant being more generous with their experiences, objectivity, and expertise. Pay your consultant as agreed upon. Nothing sours a relationship like bad money mojo.

Adjusting to a new job

Congratulations. You are starting a new job. This is exciting, and you should look on it as a new adventure in the book of life. However, for many people, starting a new job can cause anxiety. That’s perfectly understandable. After all, starting a new job means new co-workers, new office policies and procedures, a new environment and probably new software and/or equipment. But don’t underestimate the power of being new. Don’t let the minutiae of all the new details bog you down. This is a great opportunity, and you can take advantage of it to really stand out if you follow just a little practical advice.


Manage Expectations


The day you accept the offer is the day you should start preparing for your new job. There are several steps involved here. The first is to accept that transitions are hard. You need to start managing your expectations for both leaving your old job and starting your new one. Be prepared for a little bit of emotional let down as you make the adjustment. Change is hard. Whether this is your first job or a new one, this will be a big adjustment for you. The location is different, the hours may be longer or shorter, and the atmosphere will almost certainly be different. You need to prepare yourself for the adjustment, and manage your expectations.


In terms of a send-off or a welcome wagon, don’t expect a fanfare. Very often, former employers and colleagues don’t make leaving easy, nor do new employers and new colleagues make starting easy. You need to be your own best friend here and keep a positive attitude. They probably won’t throw you a party when you leave your old job, and they certainly won’t throw you one at your new job. That doesn’t mean you aren’t welcome, of course, but just be realistic, manage your expectations, and don’t read too much into the welcome wagon, or lack thereof. Assume that you are wanted (they wouldn’t have hired you otherwise), but don’t expect a cake.


Prepare for the First Day, and For Continued Success


You want to make a great impression at your new job. And there are three tried and true ways to do this: dress the part, be prepared and get there on time. First, dress for success. If you interviewed at the firm and toured the workplace, you should have some idea of what the dress code is (and if you haven’t you should definitely ask before your start). Pay attention to how people are dressed during your interview.


By now, every person should know what is appropriate and inappropriate in the workplace, but the most important factor here is that you match the culture and needs of the organization. For some jobs, the dress code is obvious: you may wear a uniform, for example. But for other firms you will have to figure it out. If there is an employee manual with a dress code policy, read it. Remember that industries vary. Bankers dress differently than TV producers. Teachers may or may not be able to wear jeans. Account managers may have to wear nylons if they wear skirts. These are things you must find out before you start. Pay close attention to the finer points of the dress code, and assess the average level of dressiness. And if there is a dress code policy in the employee manual, read it. Find out:

• Do women wear tights or hose? High heels? Skirts, suits or slacks?

• Do men wear playful or conservative ties?

• Does anyone ever wear sneakers or casual loafers?

• Do employees wear tailored, formal pants or standard-fare chinos?

• Who wears jeans? T-shirts?

• Don’t spend the day texting or phoning friends. No personal stuff of any kind!

• Don’t get caught updating your Facebook page on your first day.

• Don’t smoke in front of anyone.

• Don’t leave, even for a latte run. And certainly don’t leave early, unless someone is dying.

• The walls have ears, so don’t talk about your new job or your new boss in anything but the most glowing of terms. Similarly, don’t badmouth your former employer or place of work.

• Don’t flirt. Period.

• Don’t put in for vacation time. Unless you’ve pre-negotiated a vacation up front, I’d wait six months to even ask.

The best course of action is to spend the first week or two a little bit overdressed or matched with the most formally dressed person you see in the office. Then, once you understand the dress code and dress within it, you will be able to integrate your own sense of individual style within that aesthetic. And by waiting to bring your unique sensibility to your office attire, you'll be sure not to inadvertently rub others the wrong way or give the impression that you don't care or don't take your new job seriously.


Second, prepare ahead of time for the big morning. The night before your first day, you should plan what you are going to wear and get out everything you need for the new job, including any badges, parking passes, forms, your lunch, snacks, thermos, etc. You do not want to be scrambling for these things in the morning. In fact, you want to be bright eyed and bushy-tailed on day one, so go to bed early. And triple check that you have set the alarm. The last thing you want to do is yawn, slump or look baggy eyed. And no drinking the night before. The last thing you want is to look drained or, God forbid, smell like booze.


Third, be on time. Better yet, be early. To do this you need to be clear as a bell about your transportation and how long it takes to get there. If you drive, you should have the route mapped out and your departure timed so that you will get there ten minutes early. If you take public transportation, same thing. Figure it out ahead of time. You should also find out where you need to be, to whom you need to report, or which office you should start in. You should get any special instructions ahead of time. The worst thing you can do is be late to your first day on the job.


A few other tips: Be courteous and respectful with everyone you meet on the way in, especially parking attendants, receptionists and security guards. These people are your colleagues, too, and should be treated with respect. They can always help you if, say, you get lost or need help or have questions. Plus, you never know who they know, so be respectful and kind.


Remember, you want to make a positive impression and be on your toes. So dress the part, be well rested, be prepared and be on time. Trust me, this means a lot.


The First Day, and Beyond


So, you are at the new job. Now comes the hard part: the actual work. What are the expectations they have for you? The first thing to do is meet with your new boss or supervisor as soon as possible to review your job responsibilities and find out exactly what is expected of you. You want to really take the time to clarify his/her expectations, needs, and wants. It is critical that you learn and understand your role in the organization. Don’t rely simply on that 60-minute interview for your marching orders. On the first day, you should meet with them to establish goals and define your objectives. Your objectives, goals and responsibilities may evolve as you settle in, but starting right away will give you direction when you most need it.


Now, don’t be surprised if there is a little disorganization/disorientation on the first day, or if you don’t feel altogether welcome. Most employers don’t really do a great job of onboarding people, which means orienting them to the new workplace, its ebbs and flows, or what they will be doing on a daily basis. So lower your expectations a bit.


On the other hand, their expectations may be very high, expecting you to jump right in, so find out what they expect. This really depends on the level or position for which you were hired. Expectations for leaders are very different than expectations for receptionists. It is a lot easier to jump right in answering phones than it is to lead a team of people you’ve just met. This is why the first step is so important – find out what they want you to do right away.


Remember another thing: you were hired for your expertise and experience (or talent and potential, or some combination thereof). They liked what they saw and so they brought you on board. But remember that you need to learn your new firm’s way of doing things. You need to respect the culture of the new organization. So, observing and asking questions is the best course of action right out of the gate. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, In fact, it would be a little suspicious if you didn’t. Try to make a list of all of your questions so that you can get the most out of other people’s time. And take notes! Asking people the same questions over and over can be really annoying.


And don’t stress out. Easier said than done. You probably feel like all eyes are on you, and you’re probably right. There are lots of simple stress reduction techniques you can use. First find out where the bathroom is. This is obvious, but don’t be afraid to use it! Take mini breaks throughout the day, and try deep breathing or repeating your mantra to yourself, or visualize yourself succeeding. Whatever helps. Also, if there is a mentoring program, take advantage of it. This is a great way to learn the ropes, the culture and smooth your transition.


Socializing With Your New Colleagues


Your new colleagues may or may not be receptive to you, but you certainly have to be receptive to them. Work is a social environment and to be successful, no matter what your position is, you must take the time to get to know your new colleagues. Here’s how. First, don’t be a know-it-all. Don’t talk too much. Instead, listen. It’s not all about you – make it all about them and the new workplace. Ask questions. Be curious. Introduce yourself. Find out about them. Find out what is going on in the organization. Resist the urge to make it all about yourself.
Being the new guy is the perfect time to show deference and respect and to listen and absorb all that they have to say.


Lunch is an important break in the day, and an excellent opportunity to connect with new colleagues. But you’ll have to play the lunch thing by ear until you find out what the lunch culture of the organization is: Do people leave? Do they get an hour? Do they eat at their desks? Is there a cafeteria? Do they eat together in the break room? Chances are, on your first day, someone will guide you in the right direction. Your new boss or your new colleagues may want to take you to lunch. Or not. Lunch may be an informal grab-a-sandwich-in-the-break room sort of thing. (And this is why it was smart to bring a lunch or some snacks, in case the office turns out to be the sort of place where no one leaves for lunch.) If there is a lunchroom that people use, go there, ask if you may join some people and introduce yourself. Whatever you do, don’t make outside plans to have lunch with friends. Stick around your new office. Go with the flow and use lunch as the great opportunity it is.


Last But Not Least
So you’ve prepared yourself, dressed for success and are having a great day. There are just a few other do’s and don’ts for you new job:
It is OK to start networking immediately. You should absolutely attend any office happy hours, parties, and other social events Accept invitations for lunch, dinner, seminars, events, etc. But remember, if you go out for cocktails after work or attend an event with colleagues, have only one drink. No exceptions. And no shots.


Stay positive! One of the things that make it difficult to adjust to a new job is negativity. If you assume that people don't like you or you automatically make judgments about things at the office that you aren't going to like then you're going to find it difficult to approach the job with a positive attitude. Try to focus on the things that you like so far about the work and stay away from anyone that is saying negative things on the job.

How to work from home: Six steps to success

Today, more and more people are opting to telework—to work from home. Whether you are an independent contractor with your own business, a freelancer, or a regular nine-to-five employee, the option to work from home is more prevalent than ever, and more and more people are taking advantage of this opportunity.

Teleworking offers many advantages, like more flexibility, no commute, no dress code, and more time with the family. Sounds like a win-win, right? Well, yes and no. There are plusses and pitfalls to working from home, but you can easily structure your teleworking to be productive and meaningful.

The pros of working from home

Many of the benefits to working from home are “fun.” You can work in your pajamas, your dog can sit in your lap, you can go without a shower, you can listen to whatever music you want. Other benefits are very real, in terms of the bottom line. For example, your commute is however long it takes to get to your computer, so you save time, money and the stress of having to get to the office every day. There are also no unwanted interruptions from office mates or office drama to distract you. This offers more potential for increased focus, concentration and productivity.

For the employer, the benefits are many, as well. Increasingly, many people want to telework, so this is a great perk to offer your employees and a great recruitment tool. Working from home can increase employee satisfaction and morale, and both of those can contribute to increased productivity. The employer’s overhead also goes down, which adds up to a substantial savings. Teleworking can be a win-win for both employer and employee.

If you’re a freelancer or consultant you’re on your own here, but if you are a company employee, your firm may provide assistance or equipment for your home office. Don’t expect much, though. Teleworking is still new enough that most companies don’t provide assistance, but you can always ask. You never know. Your company may be willing to offset the cost of or even provide a smart phone, a phone line, a computer or other necessities for your home office, so you can be as productive as possible and communicate effectively. Just ask them what they are willing to provide.

The cons of working from home

There is a downside to working from home. Remember that the workplace is s social organization, and when you work from home that social fabric is missing. Person-to-person interaction is gone. You can feel disconnected. This can hurt you emotionally, especially if you are social person, but it can also hurt teamwork and workplace relationships, both of which are crucial to getting things done. You may also miss out on the political “game” of the office, which is actually a crucial component of networking.

Conversely, even if you like to be separate and out of the mix, you can feel as if they don’t trust you, especially if they ask you to attend meetings, check in, or call to check up on your work. And if you are not a self-motivated person or if you need a lot of instruction or supervision, working from home may not be right for you.

Setting yourself up for success

If you do choose to work from home, it is imperative that you set yourself up for success. Many people think working from home would be heaven. In reality, lots of people flail when they telework because they are distracted by their homes. They forget that working from home has to emphasis the work, not the home.

In order to be successful, you have to take it seriously and set clear boundaries in your home. Whether you are a consultant, a freelancer, or a full-time employee, if you are going to work from home successfully, it all boils down to self-motivation and self-control. You’ve got to be able to set boundaries, minimize distractions, and focus on the work. Here’s how:

First, carve out a home office. You need to have a dedicated space for your work. The living room couch won’t cut it. You have to take teleworking seriously, and this is best achieved if you take your workspace seriously. You need a place to work without distraction, a place that is recognized by your family as your workspace and a place where you can keep your work materials safe and separate from your home life.

Second, create boundaries, not just with a clearly defined workspace but also with your family and friends. Establish a protocol, make clear when you are working and when you can and can’t be disturbed.

Third, equip yourself properly and professionally. Get a computer just for you and your work. Get the proper supplies. And get a dedicated phone line for your work. You can’t be taken seriously if your husband answers the phone in his usual charming way, or your son doesn’t take proper messages, or your daughter rushes you to get off because she is waiting for a call, or if your answering machine features the cute-only-to-you voice of your five-year-old. If you are going to work from home or have a home business, you have to prepare yourself and behave in a professional manner. And this means a separate line for work calls.

Fourth, reduce distractions. You have to be able to ignore the laundry, the dishes, Mad Men Season Five, running errands, and other household distractions. And, just like at the office, don’t constantly answer personal phone calls, e-mails, or surf the Internet while working. But don’t be foolish about it either; set aside time every hour to do so. Just remember, working from home is more about the working than the home.

Fifth, establish the parameters of your working hours. If you are with a company find out when they want you to be available and stick to that. They will establish with you some guidelines. If you are freelance, you can obviously establish your own hours, but you have to decide what those will be. Will you take clients calls 24/7? Is lunchtime blocked out? When will you start? When do clients want you to check in? Working from home can be a slippery slop to all access, all the time, so think about what you or your company wants, and set your schedule. Just because you work from home doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have set hours. Just decide what those will be.

Sixth, continue to network. Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, one of the most important things to do in business is to network. And those who work from home are already cut off from the workplace, so you have to make an extra effort to get out there and network.

These days, lots of networking can be done on-line, through sites like LinkedIn, Facebook and others. But you should still maintain an active physical presence. Nothing beats face-to-face interactions, and you should always look for ways to do so. If you work for a company, make sure you go to the office at least once a week. Attend meetings, lunches, social gatherings and other opportunities. You have to combine the electronic world with the physical world in order to keep your network healthy and growing.

If you are a freelancer or a consultant, find ways to network. Go to parties, lunches, seminars and programs. Join clubs and professional organizations. You have to combine the electronic world with the physical world in order to keep your network healthy and growing.

Working at home can be productive, rewarding, convenient and cost-effective. The key is to set yourself up for success and remember to focus on the work.

Listen to Mary discuss this topic on Clear Channel’s “The Working Life” radio show: http://www.wmzq.com/pages/wafaudio.html