The Working Life: Bad Apples:
Dealing with people who just don't get it
The Radio Show Recap...


In this segment of “The Working Life,” Mary discussed how to recognize and deal with "bad apples" in organizational life. These folks can destroy organizational morale and productivity faster than you can say William Tell.


Every company, organization or department has at least one employee who doesn’t carry his or her weight, who is actively negative or who sabotages others’ work or performance. You know them: they are the bad apples, and there is one in every bunch. These are the people who don’t do their jobs properly or, conversely, they perform but are complete jerks in the process. They can be lazy, arrogant, mean, untrustworthy, backbiting, condescending, etc. And they can be found in all echelons of an organization.

Basically these are people who don’t respect the organization or their coworkers. Essentially they don’t live the “values” of the organization. And, while values differ from company to company, I’ve never seen “being a jerk” on any company’s value chart.

A bad apple can take a huge toll on a company. Someone who doesn’t carry his weight, is obnoxious, or just plain refuses to play by the rules is like a bad virus. Their attitude and behavior can infect a staff or organization. That, in turn, can affect company morale, trust and productivity. If not addressed your staff will quickly become resentful, jaded and unproductive. And the bottom line will suffer.

The problem is that many managers allow bad apples to fester. Remember—you get what you reward. And when you ignore bad behavior you are essentially rewarding it. By not confronting it and dealing with it, you send the message that it is acceptable. People aren’t stupid. They are going to notice.

In the public sector, government, for example, managers allow this to happen because it is the path of least resistance. Terminating someone is just so time consuming and fraught with potential legal actions that many managers believe it is simply easier to allow bad apples to sit there and rot away. The private sector is more likely to put up with bad behavior if the person is a producer—that is, someone who seemingly serves the bottom line, so his behavior is tolerated. I’m here to tell you that you need to come out from whichever curtain you are hiding behind, because these people are hurting your organization. Do the right thing – confront the situation and get rid of the bad apples.

What is and isn’t bad behavior
So what constitutes a bad apple? Is an occasional outburst or flare-up acceptable? Is bad language okay? How about being late? Each company has to decide what is and isn’t acceptable. You must look to your own corporate value system for the answers. If being late really doesn’t affect the work, then that might be tolerable. But if being punctual is an important part of the job, or if being late angers other co-workers and brings down morale, then it shouldn’t be tolerated.

As an employer, I have tolerated more than I should have at times, especially when the employee was particularly talented and very personable. But if it affected company morale or the bottom line, then the behavior had to stop. I would tolerate the lack of soft skills over hard skills, but there is always a line; the key is to identify it, and it’s different for every company.

How to cope with the bad apples
If the behavior is not so egregious that the person needs to be confronted or fired, then there are some basic coping skills co-workers and managers can employ.

• Avoidance. Try not to interact with this person any more than necessary.
• Humor. Try to look at this person as a funny/absurd/opportunity to tell stories. Not the most gracious approach, but sometimes if you can find the humor and the innocence in a situation, it can help you get through it (sexual harassment is not one of them).
• Consider the political landscape. Is this person really connected? If so, the reality is that you may have to work a bit harder to find a way to deal with this person.
• Empathy: Most jerks are jerks because there is something deficient about them. And that is kind of sad. Chances are they are jerks in their personal lives as well. Try to find that part of you that would befriend something that was wounded. Try to find some glimmer of humanity. Think Michael Scott from The Office.

When all else fails
Peers and co-workers can play a big role in turning the bad apple around. If the bad apple is a peer, and you feel comfortable doing so, find a way to address the problem tactfully but directly. Do it privately or in a very small, trusted group. Explain to the person what you see him doing and your concerns about it. Express that you want to see him succeed but that you are afraid his current behavior may not be the best way to reach his goals. If nothing happens and you continue to see the ill effects of this behavior, then you must send it up the chain. Find a trusted leader or manager and let them know what is happening. Be sure you can speak articulately and specifically about the impact of the bad apple’s behavior.

If you’re a manager or supervisor and one or more of your employees comes to you with complaints or feedback about a troublesome employee, and you know with certainty that the complaint is valid, you must take action immediately.

There are five steps to take:

1. Confront the person directly. Tell the person exactly what your concerns are with his behavior. Cite examples. Do not make it personal or single out who complained. Don’t say, “Carol complained about you.” Make sure you do your homework and use “I” or “We. Say: I am not happy with the way you are treating your co-workers.
2. Describe the impact of the behavior. Use specifics: “When you call your co-workers white trash losers you destroy our teamwork and morale,” or “When you don’t do your weekly reports it adds more work for the rest of your team.”
3. State the change you want to see. Again be specific. Link to corporate values. “I need you to stop that behavior immediately. You must treat co-workers with civility and respect.”
4. Be explicit about the ramifications. “If you continue with this behavior, you will be terminated. This is your one warning.”
5. Follow up. If the behavior is modified then make sure you acknowledge it. Remember, you get what you reward. If the behavior doesn’t change, then you must terminate.

A note about termination... The famous Jack Welch says if you terminate someone for not exhibiting corporate values then you should make that explicit when you speak of the termination. You don’t soft-pedal it by saying “Carol wanted to spend time with her family.” You say, “Carol was asked to leave because she was unable to be a good team player.”
When you get rid of a “bad apple” use it as an opportunity to teach and reinforce your corporate value system.

What if the jerk is you?
Yikes! What do you do if your supervisor has that talk with you? If you are the one with the bad attitude that your co-workers have been complaining about? What do you do? First of all, take a good deep breathe, because you’re going to need it. You have to look at this as an opportunity for growth. Chances are you’ve probably heard this feedback before, so take a good long look at yourself and try to accept the feedback. Make the choice to really look at how you currently operate. Ask your boss for a comprehensive 360 review, where you get feedback from all levels of the organization. This should be accompanied with a game plan for change and a follow-up schedule. You can also ask for a professional coach, who can be a very supportive neutral third party who can give you objective feedback as well as practical guidance in improving how you engage with others.

Above all, don’t spiral into self-loathing or denial. Remember, business is very much a social activity and your behavior may simply be a lack of basic social engagement skills. In many ways we are talking about emotional intelligence. The silver lining here is that with a little work and self-awareness, emotional intelligence and engagement skills can be learned. If you’re the bad apple, you don’t have to be tossed, you just have to accept the challenge to change.


To Listen to an archive of this show: http://washfm.com/pages/waf.html

The Working Life: The Boss Hater:
How to recognize them and what to do about them!
The Radio Show Recap...

In this segment of “The Working Life,” Mary discussed the negative effects "boss haters" can have on organizational life. Whether you work with a boss hater (as a boss or a peer) it is important to understand that their negativity can have very adverse consequences for productivity and team morale.


The boss-hater is as common in offices as the bad apple, and can be just as demoralizing and destabilizing to a productive organization. The boss-hater is the person who has never worked with someone they respect. They trash talk the boss and use lots of “you” and “they” statements. They often accuse the boss of nepotism, cronyism or favoritism. They are not team players, they complain a lot, they use loaded messages, and they fume or ramble on at meetings and never praise anyone’s work.

In essence, they use the language of blame where everything is the boss’ fault. They are blamers who have fallen into the “victim” role. Boss-haters often shy away from leadership and authority themselves, refusing to take responsibility for events or circumstances.

Sometimes a boss hater is just the person who is simply able to articulate that their boss is, in fact, an idiot, but more often, the boss-hater has a real and disruptive aversion to authority figures. Some people may an ideological problem with authority or with “the man” as they said in the 70’s. For these people, hating the boss is more about how their own perception of authority is related to their value system. Other boss haters have a deeper psychological and personal reaction to authority, power and success. For these people, the boss often represents something that the individual doesn’t have but wants: success, power, authority, control, visibility, respect.

The problem is that the boss-hater’s aversion and negativity becomes a problem for the team or organization. Psychological studies have shown that emotions can be contagious in working groups and organizations -- negative and positive emotions can spread like wildfire. Like the bad apple, a boss hater who spews negativity can actually infect other workers, bringing down morale and productivity and creating a negative work environment. Boss haters can have “sticky” personalities, the kind of people who are actually very influential among their co-workers.

What to do about the boss-hater
If you are a boss, a manager or a supervisor and you have a boss hater on your team you’ve got to confront the person. Meet with him or her and try to determine the source of the problem. Does this person dislike you or has he disliked all his bosses? Does he have a real beef or is he a chronic and ideological boss-hater? Either way, the negativity has to stop.

Discussing it will help you and the employee determine the real source of the problem and will help build a better and more constructive relationship. But if you can’t find a solution, then get rid of them. While I am a big fan of owning and solving a problem–I am also a big fan of getting rid of people who don’t or won’t work out. I can’t tell you how much dysfunction and pain I see in organizations that could have been avoided if people were able to make the tough personnel decisions earlier. Keeping an employee who is miserable is not doing anybody any favors. It’s not helping the employee, the team or the organization. It’s just brings everyone down.

What if the boss-hater is you?
We’ve all had jobs where we have worked for someone who was a jerk or totally inept, or both. A bad boss can make your work more difficult, to say the least. As an employee, you have three choices: Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept and adapt to the situation. But staying in the situation and being a trash-talking morale-lowering boss-hater is not an option.

If you are being labeled a boss-hater because of the way you talk and act, then you have to take a good hard look at how you are interacting with others and learn to make some adjustments. You can change the way you say things and the way you act. Boss-haters have to realize that their behavior and perspectives are creating more negative than positive results. And if you know a boss-hater, tell them. Help them see that there is a better way to engage in the workplace. You’ll do them a favor. But for the boss-hater, make the choice: stay, go or accept the situation, just stop bringing everyone else down. Your job is in jeopardy.

To Listen to an archive of this show: http://washfm.com/pages/waf.html

The Working Life: Performance Reviews:
Why they matter and how to make the most of them
The Radio Show Recap...

In this segment of “The Working Life,” Mary discussed the pros and cons of performance reviews. Believe it or not, there are ways to make them useful (and developmental) for both the organization and the individual!


Love ‘em or hate ’em, whether giving one or getting one, a performance review is one of the most important tools managers and employees have to gauge and improve performance in the workplace. Employee reviews provide a record of employee performance vis-à-vis company expectations and, ideally, that review should be used to help the employee develop and grow professionally. When done right, with the proper dialogue, feedback and follow-through, a performance review can be an effective way to measure performance, articulate company expectations and formulate a game plan for results.

When Should It Be Done?
Traditionally, employee reviews are done on a yearly basis. But I find a strict annual format limiting in its ability to promote effective employee development. Annual reviews are not nearly as productive as a more frequent system of, say, quarterly reviews. A quarterly review has several advantages. First, it can be a less formal scenario, which can lead to a more honest and productive session. Let’s face it -- most people approach their annual review with dread. And if you dread something and view it as onerous, chances are you won’t do as well and the review is less likely to be a successful and productive experience.

Second, and most important, a frequent review system is a much more productive and efficient way to evaluate performance. Why would you wait a whole year to tell an employee what they are doing well and what areas in which they need to improve? Why wait a whole year to get their feedback? Trying to cram an entire year’s worth of information and feedback into one review is too time-consuming. Quarterly reviews allow the information to be anchored in a more relevant and timely fashion. If the goal of the review is to improve productivity and help both the employee and the company develop professionally, then those reviews should be done in an efficient and timely manner and in the most productive way possible.

The Manager’s Mini-Review
Managers wear multiple hats in an organization, but I think their most important role is to build strong teams with the best employees for those jobs. Unfortunately, there is so much emphasis on leadership these days that organizations are forgetting to teach their managers how to manage their most important resource of all, their human capital. Managing people, as distinct from leading people, is actually the most important part of a manager’s job, and yet this skill is often neglected, so performance reviews are often done poorly.

An easy way to get in the habit of reviewing your employees is to institute quick reviews after the completion of a project – an After Action Review in the lingo of the armed forces. An AAR is a great way to start a dialogue, get feedback and get results. And it’s really simple: after a project, sit down with the team right away for 15 to 30 minutes and have a review session.

Ask your team members:

• What went well?
• What didn’t go well?
• What could we do differently next time?
• What could the team do more of/less of?

Have each team member talk about his performance. The immediacy of the project will keep it fresh in everyone’s mind and they will be more honest with their answers. An AAR has the advantage of being almost a self-review, where employees can reflect on how they, and the team, performed.

The Mega-Review
Some organizations do what is called a 360 Review, which entails soliciting feedback on an employee’s performance from all levels of the organization. Now, the idea of a 360 is really cool. It is an integrative process and reflects and emphasizes the importance of that employee’s role in the big company picture. The 360 message is, Let’s get company-wide feedback to help people develop into really effective organizational players.

The reality and the application of the 360 review, however, is often a lackluster affair. It’s just too much. But a 360, like any review, can be effective if it’s done right.

First, you must ask the right people for feedback. They must be relevant players and should be people who can really contribute constructive feedback. Second, the review needs to be tied to true organizational or positional success factors. For example, don’t ask about leadership if this person does not have a leadership position. Next, reviewers have to be honest and direct. It is a waste of everyone’s time if they aren’t.

Last, in order for a review to be effective, it must be followed up with a development game plan tailored for that individual. That plan of action has to be monitored and followed up on, or the review is pointless. In 360s, what often happens is that after the review is completed, the results are given to the employee and then nobody ever follows up on it. This is why the mega-reviews are often a complete waste of time. Someone needs to own the process to ensure all the time spent on the darn thing actually produces some tangible results.

How to prepare for your review
If you are going to be reviewed, it is imperative that you be prepared. The best thing to do is to sit down and do your own assessment of your performance and your job itself.
Ask yourself:

• What have I done well?
• What can I improve on?
• Do I have all the tools I need to do my job?
• What are my personal/professional goals in this job? In this organization?
  
• What kind of professional development do I need to get to the next level?

Remember, the review is not just about how well you have performed. You should also put the review in the context of where you are now and where you want to be in five years. Think about what you want to get out of it, and then set some goals and intentions for your review.

Reviews can be very stressful. Two key things to remember during your review are to listen and to breathe. I know that seems obvious but it’s not. People get really nervous and remembering to breathe will help you relax. Ask questions that will help you really understand the feedback and your boss’ perspective: Say things like: "Tell me more", "give me more details,"" what would it look like", "give me an example," etc. What you want to do is build a dialogue with your reviewer in order to understand clearly what they are telling you.

Try not to rebut or argue. You want to understand how your actions and how your work is being perceived. The point is to create a dialogue with your boss about how you can improve your performance.

After the review, be proactive and follow up with an action plan to address your feedback. Request time with your boss in a month or two to follow up on and monitor your progress. This is key because part of what you have to do is change perception. Keeping your boss involved in your efforts to improve your performance will force him or her to “see” the improvements. Don’t let your supervisor off the hook in following up. It’s the most important part of the review process.

As an aside, if you are a manager who has to deliver a bad review to an employee, it is very important that you own up to your part of the problem; after all, it was your job to supervise that employee, so you have to be fair and take responsibility for your action (or inaction). This does not mean you let the employee off the hook, but you do have to take an active role in the action plan for improvement.

The right way to review
There are some very simple steps to follow to ensure that reviews are worthwhile, for both the manager and the employee.

1. Be specific: If you are giving a review, provide specific examples of an employee’s strengths and weaknesses. Give concrete examples of what works and what doesn’t. Put the feedback in context of employee development and organizational contribution and organizational goals—here is why it is important for you to have this skill, here is what is great about you doing this, etc.
2. Be timely: Provide frequent opportunities, if not full-blown reviews, to give and receive feedback. The more immediate the dialogue the fresher and more honest the answers and the solutions will be. This where the AAR comes in handy.

1. Follow up: If you give a review you have to follow up on the areas you want to see improvement. The best way to do this is to develop a plan of action for the employee and then set a regular schedule to follow-up. No one will grow and develop professionally without a solid plan of action.

To Listen to an archive of this show: http://washfm.com/pages/waf.html

The Working Life: Getting fired or laid off:
How to get survive and get back in the game
The Radio Show Recap...

In this segment of “The Working Life,” we discussed how to survive and thrive in the aftermath of losing your job. Whether you were fired or laid off--–there are ways to smooth the transition and get you moving forward more quickly.


It comes like a kick in the stomach. You may have seen it coming. You may have heard rumors or it may be a bolt from the blue. Either way, you’ve just been told you are fired or laid off. What do you do?

First of all, if you see a lay off or termination coming, take the time to prepare yourself and make a list of what is in your pay and benefits package, so you can ask about it. The person doing the firing is probably as nervous and scared as you are, so being prepared is key.

Obviously, if the termination comes as a surprise you will not have the opportunity to do this, so it is critical that you remain calm. In the drama of the moment, you may forget to ask relevant questions, so it is perfectly okay to ask for a few moments to collect yourself. You must stay calm and focused and as professional as possible. The goal here is to preserve the relationship you have with the organization or the manager and if you remain calm you’ll get more information that will help you.

The first thing to find out is why. Ask for specific reasons for your termination or lay off. If it is a lay off, is there a prospective rehire date? If the termination is for performance, ask why. Can you get a letter of reference? Will they help you find another job? Can you meet with the HR department? What will they do for you? This where being calm is critical.

Second, establish some ground rules about the language to be used to describe your termination. Later, when finding a new job, you need to know what you can say about the termination. Will you be able to say it simply wasn’t a good fit, that your department was downsized? Work out the language now with your employer so that when you tell people later you have solid phraseology, something more positive than, “I was fired.”

Next, you need to find out about the company’s severance package. Will you be paid for your unused holiday, vacation, sick or comp time? What about other things that may have been in your pay package, like relocation, mileage or educational expenses? Can you keep your health insurance? Can you take your Rolodex? How about your 401K or other retirement packages? Again, it is hard to remember these things when you are in a tense and upsetting situation, but if you know what is in your package you may be able to ask the right questions.

It is important that, no matter what, you put your best and most professional face forward at this moment. Chances are if you’re fired, you are leaving that day, if not right away. Does it behoove you to rant and rave and say nasty things about your boss as you’re packing up your desk, or should you calmly and quietly get your things and go? You don’t have to put on a happy face, but it is not okay to behave badly. Remember, everyone at your workplace is a potential contact, network or referral source for you. People will remember how you handle this situation, and you want them to remember that you handled it with grace and maturity. You want to preserve the relationship.

Taking the package
Some firms offer terminated employees a severance package and some ask them to sign a non-compete agreement. This depends on your company. A non-compete agreement is usually spelled out when an employees is hired and may not be able to be renogtiated at termination.

If a non-compete is offered at termination I would never sign it until I had a chance to look it over, possibly with an employment attorney. I also would not sign it unless it was tied to a severance package. Ask for a few days to review the document and any package with it. This can be a negotiation tactic on your part, so be professional and take your time to do it right.

Now what? Financial experts say we should all have three to six months of living expenses salted away, so hopefully your finances will be secure for the short-term. You’re going to be upset, so go ahead and take three days to wallow in your misery. But just three. After that, get up and get started. Your new job is to get a new job. Get up everyday as if you are going to work: shower and dress, and sit at your desk to plan and execute your strategy. Don’t turn the TV on or play on the computer. Start looking immediately for a new job.

If your old firm offers career placement or counseling services, set up an appointment right away. Contact friends and colleagues right away. Make sure you get your story straight and that they hear it from you. This doesn’t mean you should lie, but get your spin together. Stay friendly with co-workers and colleagues (this is why leaving gracefully is key). The most important thing is that you stay positive and focused. The worst thing you can do is spiral downward into catastrophic thinking and feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t gossip with former co-workers. Don’t badmouth your boss or company. You’ve got to think positive and act professionally.

Build your network. Make a list of contacts. Redo your resume. Try to be as positive and productive as possible. Use this as opportunity to build your career or to make the changes you’ve been meaning to make. Consider professional temp work—it has always been a great way to land a job and, as everyone knows, it is easier to find a job when you are employed than unemployed.

The most important things to remember are to leave with professionalism and grace. Keep a good relationship with your former employer and co-workers and keep a positive attitude. Wallowing in self-pity will not land you your next job. But keeping your spirits up, your network alive and your mind open will almost certainly help.



To Listen to an archive of this show: http://washfm.com/pages/waf.html

The Working Life: Getting Real to Get Ahead...
The Radio Show Recap...


In this segment of “The Working Life,” Mary discussed the importance of being authentic in the workplace. Can you get ahead by getting real?

Authenticity is one of the cornerstones of success in business. Not very many businesses or professionals succeed based on lies and deceit. The most powerful thing you can do to get ahead is simple: be real. Being authentic means being honest. That entails an emotional equation of confidence + self-awareness + transparency + consistency. In other words, it’s about establishing and showing an honest alignment between your personality, your words and your actions.

Now, we all know plenty of examples of the slick and sinister who manage to be very successful. But when you look closely, they are usually only capable of having successful careers as long as they are able to muster power and financial success together. Look at Michael Eisner. His despotic manners and abysmal treatment of others was tolerated (and even rewarded) while Disney was doing well financially. But when the ink threatened to flow red, his behavior was no longer acceptable, and he was gone. For long-term success, you need to decide how you want to do business and how you want to conduct yourself. How one chooses to engage in the world and with others is a choice we all have, and the choice to be honest and authentic is the smart one for success.

Finding your way in corporate life
Companies and organizations sometimes have a way of tamping down a person’s authenticity so that they will do things that company’s way. The simple solution then is to find a company that suits your personality. Companies and organizations, and even departments within those organizations, have cultures, personalities and ethics just like people do. If you don’t share the company’s values and business ethos, it’s not a good fit. Don’t force a square peg into a round hole. Find a company or a department that compliments you.

Sometimes, being authentic can rub people the wrong way. Being honest and real can often lead to feedback like, “Bob has potential, but doesn’t always fit in” or “Gina has some rough edges.” It is important to strike a balance so that you’re not tagged as “emotional” or with a “strong personality.” The first thing to remember is that being authentic is never an excuse to be rude or unprofessional. It is also not an excuse to forgo professional development. This is about acquiring the skills and behaviors needed to be successful in the workplace and weave them into your personality. For example, I tend to be a little irreverent and a bit informal. That is who I am. But there are ways to be both irreverent and respectful at the same time, just as there are ways to display perfect manners and still create an atmosphere of informality. You can still be yourself and be honest, while at the same time being respectful and treating people well.

What does “real” look like? And how do I get there?
Becoming more aware of your self, how you operate in the world and how you impact people is the key to using your authentic self in business. A good way to learn about yourself is to take a personality test like the Meyers-Briggs. That test and others like it are an excellent tool for self-awareness, as long as you get the proper training around the assessment. Make sure a professional is able to go over the results with you so you can understand and use the information properly.

Studying traits of successful but authentic business people is also a good way to understand what being real looks like. For example, here are three very different authentic leaders: Richard Branson, Warren Buffett and Donald Trump. They each approach life and work very differently, yet you can tell that they are all passionate about what they do. They are consistent in their words, deeds and ambitions. They are not apologetic about who they are and they integrate their personal qualities into their work life, personal life and leadership.

One of the most important traits leaders need is the ability to inspire people to follow them. This is where having strong emotional intelligence and being seen as authentic can really separate the little leaders from the big leaders. Leading people is about inspiring and motivating them. People respond to honesty, authenticity and genuineness. People respond to people who feel “real” to them. Nobody likes a phony and people get nervous and mistrustful when they can’t “read” a person.

In order to get there, there are five things you can do:

• Be honest and consistent
  
• Express yourself well
• Align your intentions, your words, and your actions
• Engage other people and treat them well
• Don’t be afraid of being judged

You can get to the top without authenticity, but smart money says to get ahead—you need to get real.

To Listen to an archive of this show: http://washfm.com/pages/waf.html

The Working Life: New Year's Career Resolutions:
Setting Goals for your Career
The Radio Show Recap...

In today’s segment of “The Working Life,” Carol Blymire and I talked about the importance of making New Year’s resolutions for your career. The advent of each new year is a perfect time to pause and not only reflect upon the past year, but also look forward to the coming year. A recent survey reported that a surprising 85% of people that set New Year’s resolutions, don’t set goals for work or career above and beyond what their employer requires of them! So Carol and I discussed how to set reasonable goals for your worklife, whether you love what you do, or want to make changes.

Carol's Question: Everybody knows that we all make New Year’s resolutions, and most of us break them by January 2, if we were even ever serious about them at all. Why is it important to set these kinds of goals for your career?

My Thoughts: It is important to set goals because your career should be something created by you and not imposed upon you or done to you. This means you must take an active approach in creating the life and career-life you want. Setting goals is an important element in career creation. Goals provide milestones and markers for you your career. Creating goals or resolutions helps focus your attention and energy upon your career. By articulating your goals you are setting your intention towards making your desired future happen.

By the way, writing down your goals is extremely powerful. There is something about putting them in a concrete format that actually helps propel us towards them. I’m always shocked that the goals I’ve written down almost always come to fruition. Its kind of freaky, really.

Carol’s Question: Can you talk us through some steps that our listeners can use to think about their past and current work-life situations, evaluate what’s working and what’s not, and then set some goals for the coming year?

My Thoughts: Reflection and evaluation of the past and present is a key element. Just as you might take time to reflect on your personal life—take time to reflect upon your career-life. The simplest thing you can do is to create some modified plus/delta lists:

• Write down everything you’ve loved about your current (and past) work lives
• Write down everything you would like to do more of (for example—I love doing this show and would like to do more of it) or new things you might like to try
• Write down talents, skills, activities that you would like to use in your career
  
• Write down everything you would like to be different—or things you might like to change

Taking the time to reflect in this way provides you with real data and truthful insight into what you want to bring forward into the future. These insights, of course, will lay the groundwork for creating goals that are truly meaningful for you.

Carol’s Question: Can you talk about the broad scope of work-life New Year’s resolutions: job, education, family time, personal enrichment, etc.

My Thoughts: I always think it is better to create career goals in context with life goals. Most of us spend the majority of our waking hours at work. Therefore, I always try to incorporate personal and professional goals into one master goal setting exercise.

Try using the Wheel of Life to find areas where you may need to do some goal setting. Simply draw a circle (or several circles) and create “pie slices.” Then label each pie slice with a topic. Some ideas for slices: Career, Money, Health, Friends, Family, Significant Other, Personal Growth, Fun & Recreation, Social life, Spiritual life, Physical Environment, etc. Once you have the slices labeled, draw a line across the slice at how satisfied you are with that element of your life—think of the center as 0 and the outer rim as a 10. You’ll quickly see where in your life you might need to set some new goals.

Once you know which elements need attention—simply ask yourself:

• What needs to happen in this area to make this a 10?
• What would I like more of?
• What would I like less of?

Once you do that—set your goals. Once you set your goals—make sure you create some action steps to achie your goals.

Carol’s Question: Is it important to set some goals that are attainable, some that are a reach, and others that are dreams?

My Thoughts: Absolutely. In coaching we call this setting the big “A” Agenda and the little “a” agenda. In fact, I advocate using 3 levels of goals: long term, mid range, and short term goals.
I believe this is important for several reasons. First of all, having long range—Big A—goals keep you thinking about your big picture—it helps move you towards your ultimate life goals. Having smaller goals helps guide you towards your destination: use them as a road map. Your final destination (Big A goal) is going to be marked by the little goals along the way. Think of it like taking a cross-country trip—while your ultimate goal may the other side of the country—your daily goals are going to be the cities, states, and towns you pass through to reach your destination. Short and mid term goals can serve as action plans for your Big A goals. And finally it is important to have smaller, more manageable goals for practical psychological reasons. Sometimes the Big Goal just seems too big. Breaking it up into smaller, bit sized goals makes the goal feel more doable. It removes a huge psychological obstacle that helps you to then see a practical path. Additionally, breaking the big goals up into smaller, bit sized goals enables you to experience real progress towards your big goals which in turns creates more positive energy, confidence and momentum.

Carol’s Question: How important is writing down your goals? What about sharing them with friends or close professional colleagues?

My Thoughts: I think writing down is key. There is something “official” about writing it down. Writing down creates some kind of inner/outer alignment. I’m always amazed that it works. I also think sharing with colleagues can really help. Trusted friends and colleagues can be a great resource for identifying and achieving goals. Anything that helps you take action on your goals is a good thing. Think about how this is done at organizations—creating and sharing goals is key for aligning resources and intentions towards accomplishment.

Carol’s Question: Is there value in pulling together a small group of friends to do this together? Brainstorm ideas, do monthly check-in lunches, hold one another accountable?

My Thoughts: Having a goal setting party or “club” is a fantastic idea. Not only can they help hold you accountable—but they can also help get you “unstuck.” Most of us lose motivation when we get stuck or we can’t see how to get to the end zone. Friends can help you strategize and move forward.

Friends can also be a wonderful “reality check.” They can remind you of your strengths, weaknesses, and underused talents. They can also keep you honest about what you say you want and what you really want. For example, if I told my friends that I wanted to fly around the country giving more keynote speeches—they would immediately roll their eyes and remind me that I hate to travel and that packing completely stresses me out (I never seem to have the right “travel” clothes…).

Carol’s Question: Should you set up a reward system for achieving some of these goals, or sticking to these new resolutions?

My Thoughts: This really depends on who you are. If you are a person who responds to self-rewards, celebrations, etc., then absolutely! But if you’re like me, and celebrating just feels like one more item on your to-do list—then don’t bother. Find what works for you and go for it. Just make sure that when you reach one goal—you have another goal ready and waiting in the wings!

Carol’s Question: Is it okay to change your mind about some of them, as you progress into the year, or is that akin to giving up?

My Thoughts: Absolutely! Your goals should be serving you and not the other way around. Changing, altering, or throwing out goals is perfectly fine. You don’t want to “stay the course” just because you set that goal—if it becomes clear that you really don’t want that goal in your life—then change it. Avoid changing your goals out of fear or insecurity—if that goal represents something very important to you—then dropping it because you are afraid may just set you up for regret and disappointment later on in life. It’s better to try to find a way to incorporate the important elements of that goal into other goals.

Closing Thoughts: Remember achieving your goals requires action. To ensure your career goals come to fruition you must take some action—any action—towards your goals every day. At the end of each day, ask yourself—did the actions I take today move me closer to my goals or further away? Commit yourself to the actions required to accomplish your goals.

To Listen to an archive of this show: http://washfm.com/pages/waf.html

The Working Life: Office Etiquette:
Surviving the Holiday Season!
The Radio Show Recap...

In this segment of “The Working Life,” Carol Blymire and I discussed workplace etiquette during the holidays. Whether you’re dealing with religious issues, gift-giving, holiday party behavior, or sneaking out for some last-minute shopping, we’re going to talk about how to stay on top of your game during what can be a very busy time of the year, both personally and professionally. Oh, and we also talk about the dreaded office holiday party….

Carol's Question: Let’s start with maintaining professional decorum during the holidays. When is it appropriate, if ever, to decorate your cube or office, wear holiday-themed attire, or talk about how or what you celebrate?

My Thoughts: Discretion here is key. Before doing anything, you might want to check your office policy to see if there are any “official” guidelines. When decorating your office space—simplicity and professionalism are key elements. Unless you work for a specific religious group—its best not to overdue the religious part—so try your best to be tasteful, sensitive and inclusive in your decorating and in your conversations. Remember, this is an office—not your own private villa–so decorations need to be modest. It’s great to have holiday cheer but your cubicle is probably not the best place to install your life-sized Nativity scene.

Carol’s Question: Gift-giving. To whom should you give gifts? Do you always have to reciprocate if someone unexpectedly gives you a gift? Are there people to whom you should NOT give gifts?

My Thoughts: Okay, so lets take these questions one at a time…

Who gives and who gets: Generally speaking, gift giving follows down the chain of command—higher ups give to lower downs. While it is fine to give a gift to your boss—it is not required as a matter of professional etiquette. What is required is that you give gifts (or other holiday sentiments) to people who work directly for you. Other than that, use your discretion. It’s best to stick to what you know and whom you know. Some general guidelines:

• Give to close associates or people whom have helped you considerably throughout the year.
• Give to your friends (often useful to have a gift-giving conversation prior to the holidays)
• Group gifts are great ideas—a box of candy for Accounting, a basket of cookies for Maintenance, anything that says thank you to a group of folks is always welcome (and classy).
• If being selective with peers—be discreet. Try to exchange after hours or during a lunchtime outing.

What to give: When giving gifts to business associates and colleagues, remember that the gift is a reflection of you so be thoughtful about the message the gift sends and who the recipient is. Some general guidelines:

• Modesty (not cheapness) is key—don’t flash your cash
• Booze is not always best. Giving alcohol can be tricky—best to avoid it unless they are close associates whom you know appreciate a fine merlot (without breaking any religous tenets or rehab rules)
  
• Keep it secular and non-personal—the basic rule is don’t give anything that touches the skin: i.e. perfume, jewelry, clothing, undergarments, etc.

Reciprocation: If someone gives you an unexpected gift—you are not technically required to gift back. A heartfelt thank you is enough. However, it is always a good idea to have a few extra gifts on hand for such occasions. I always keep a back up supply of small gifts for such gift emergencies. Please note—there is one exception to this rule—and that is if the gift came from your immediate assistant or the like. Then you better get your butt to the store and buy something great.

Who not to give to: It would be inappropriate to give to a gift to the CEO if you’ve never met him or her. At best you’ll get labeled as a brown-noser—or at worse a weirdo stalker.

Carol’s Question: Holiday parties. How should one behave? Is it okay to drink alcohol with other co-workers? What do you do if you do something embarrassing? How do you handle it the next day?

My thoughts: I love holiday parties–everyone complains incessantly about having to attend them yet if a company doesn’t have one—look out! You’ll hear a cry of indignation loud enough to wake the dead. So try to keep in mind when attending one that the company is doing this for you because you’d have a fit if they didn’t. Here are some guidelines for making sure you put your best foot forward:

• Drinking. It’s okay to drink modestly—just remember it is not a keg party—so while it is okay to imbibe with a glass or two of cheer, it is not okay to get hammered
• Gaffes. If (and for some of us, when) you do something embarrassing (like drink too much or call the boss’s wife by the wrong name), apologize immediately for the embarrassing behavior/social gaffe and then move on. Don’t keep bringing it up. (This also applies for the "day after" apology. Aplogize to the appropriate people and move on.)
• Mingle. Do not hang out with the same people you see every day. This is an opportunity to do some social networking within your organization. Take advantage of it. Meet new people. Make new connections.
• Spandex. Dress appropriately—it is a business party. While you can certainly be more “festive” in your attire—remember it should still be appropriate. Leave the micro mini spandex at home.
• Be friendly and open—this is a time to show your soft side and meet new people. Try to have some non-business conversations. Movies? Current Events? Great new restaurants? All these are great topics for small talk.
• The Better Halves. Be inclusive of other people’s spouses. Incorporate them into the conversation. Act as if you are genuinely pleased to meet them. Also, coach your own spouse on how to interact and mingle. People will judge you by your spouse’s behavior and by how you treat their spouse.

Carol’s Question: Time away from the office—we’ve all done it – extended lunch hours for shopping or long lunches with friends during the holidays. What’s the best way to handle this in the workplace? Should managers look the other way when their employees are gone for long periods of time during November and December?

My thoughts: Allowing a little slack during the holiday season is a nice thing if business is slow. However, employees should be careful not to overdo it and take too much advantage. Your employer doesn’t “owe” you time off to go shopping. Managers should set policy and guidelines early on…let your employees know about your holiday expectations. And, most importantly, managers need to practice what they preach! If you don’t want your employees taking 3 hour lunches at the local mall—then you shouldn’t either!

Carol’s Question: How can you communicate with your boss or manager that you might need some time off to get your holiday errands done? Is it okay to say you have a doctor’s appointment, or is it better to be honest, and promise your work will be done on time?

My thoughts: Well as I said before, Taking time off for your holiday errands is not something your employers “owe” you. So the best, and cleanest way to take time off is to use your official personal time, comp time, or vacation time. Your other alternative is to negotiate extra time directly with your boss. Be professional about your negotiation. Let the boss know what time you want and how you will make up the time or the work.

Carol’s Question: Handling childcare emergencies over the holidays. Is it ever okay to just bring in your kid or kids if the nanny calls in sick and they’re home from school on winter break?

My thoughts: Again, you’ll need to check your office policy on this matter. In our child-centric world, we often forget that offices are adult environments. People may be doing or saying things that you don’t want your child to hear/see. Please remember that not all workplaces are appropriate or safe for children.

And no workplace is ever appropriate for sick children. Never Ever. Sorry.

Carol’s Question: The holidays can be a very stressful time, especially if people are already under duress at work or at home. Any warning signs we should be aware of during this time of year that might indicate someone is having a rough time?

My thoughts: Yes. There are some signs. A dramatic mood shift at work—the inability to get work done or a dramatic change in quality or tone of work may be an indication that something is wrong. Things such as sudden forgetfulness, depression, social withdrawal, increased substance use or abuse, recklessness, jumpiness, hyper attentiveness, aggression, or getting easily upset or enraged are all signs that someone may be having a rough time.

Closing thoughts on the season of "joy!": The Holiday Season can be stressful and difficult. Being organized and flexible are essential ingredients to surviving the season in style. Some tips to getting it all done without losing it:

1. Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize! Make lists and schedule adequate time for your tasks. Get your most important stuff done first!
2. Be realistic—don’t underestimate the time needed to complete projects or errands
3. Get plenty of rest—it is important to give your mind and body time to rejuvenate itself
4. Keep things in perspective! Do you really need to spend an hour finding the perfect gift for your second cousin twice removed—or would a gift card to Starbucks work just as well? Does that presentation have to be color-coded and cross-indexed?
5. Try giving theme gifts—find one great thing and give it to lots of people
6. Keep a sense of humor. If things get messed up this year—don’t worry, you’ll get another chance to get it right (or wrong) again next year!

Happy Holidays!


To Listen to an archive of this show: http://washfm.com/pages/waf.html